


if you can hack it

by dysprositos



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Performance Review, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24492694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dysprositos/pseuds/dysprositos
Summary: It's time for Sasha James's first year-end performance review. (Right?)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	if you can hack it

“Ms James. I noticed that according to our database, you’re coming up on a year working here at the Institute. I wanted to see how you’re settling in.”

“Oh, fine—everything’s fine! Everyone’s very nice, and helpful. There was an adjustment period, getting used to the library systems, but it’s old hat now.”

“And your personal research project? That’s coming along well?”

“My—personal—?”

“As long as it doesn’t interfere with your other duties—and it hasn’t—I’ve no problem with Institute employees using our resources to further their own projects, or even just to sate their curiosity. It’s in the handbook.”

“Oh, well, i—it’s going well, thank you for asking. Just about have it wrapped up, in fact.”

“Impressive, considering you’ve only been here a week.”

“I—”

“That’s why I called you in here, actually. Can’t have a year’s-end performance review until you’ve been here for a year! Still, I thought you could correct the employee database—computers have never been my forte.”

“If you’re going to—”

“And I noticed you hadn’t filled out the contract of employment! Probably because it’s hard-copy, a bit hard to do from a computer cafe in Chelsea. Sign here—you can backdate it to a week ago—and you can fix the database at your own leisure.”

“You’re joking.”

“Sasha, I hired a 17-year-old high school dropout who claimed to be 10 years older with a master’s degree and _sold_ it. I hired someone who had a very credible fake Cambridge student ID so that he could get access to the evil clown section of our library, even though it turned out he didn’t make it himself, he just seduced the man who runs the card office. _All sorts_ of skills can be assets in a career at the Magnus Institute. And as I mentioned, computers are not my forte.”

Sasha wordlessly signed the employment contract and later edited the Magnus Institute’s “employee database”, which is a public Google spreadsheet.

**Author's Note:**

> the only thing funnier to me than everyone getting hired for exactly the traits they display in canon rather than any traditional qualifications is the idea that Sasha's leet computer skillz amount to sometimes getting to the _second_ page of Google search results
> 
> Also I first wrote this on 9 April 2020 and this take on the Magnus Institute employee database is still, distressingly, canon-compliant.


End file.
